How To Engage In Conversation To Make Lasting Impression – 9 Practical Aspects

Trying to engage in conversation but soon realizing that you are standing nowhere in the discussion. Have you ever faced this kind of situation? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Many have been crumbling in becoming an active part of conversations.

 

Something happened someday… When I couldn’t engage in conversation!

 

It happened someday a couple of months ago that I moved to one of my colleagues to a different department. I was seeking his assistance in sorting out the matter of an invoice for one of my customers. He was reading an email on his computer screen. I asked him to tell me how exactly the customer was charged in the invoice. He shook his head hinting while continuously looking at the computer screen. Then, he paused a few seconds before he replied to me in a neutral tone that he did it as per protocol. And he seemed to be expecting that I was satisfied with his answer. I was not indeed!%

Something happened another day… When I did engage in conversation!

 

A few days after, a similar incident happened. I was inquiring one of my colleagues in the sales department on the calculation method of a quotation. He was looking at his computer screen when I asked the question. My voice turned him attentive. So, he turned towards me, grinned, and offered me to sit on a chair just aside from him. He said, “Hi Umair, how are you doing? Can you please give me just a couple of minutes? I would like to open the worksheet to show you how exactly I calculated the value. Just to be clear in my answer, I would show you the way we usually do it.”

He took around ten minutes and showed me what I was looking for. Indeed, he took more time than he asked me to expect. But I didn’t feel bothering. Because he was very humble. Before I left, he asked, “May I help you further?” I replied in negative. He said, “No problem! Just touch me again once you would like to inquire any more thing.” I thanked him and got back to my seat.

 

Consider both scenarios of conversation. Which conversation was engaging? And which one leaves a lasting impression? What was the difference between both conversations?

Here, I would like to discuss each aspect separately. The aspects which let participants engage in conversation. And ones that leave lasting impressions in the end.

 

1- Be Neutral In Conversation, No Negative Feeling or Statement

 

Before you tend to engage in conversation, just put yourself in pure calm. I call it a neutral state. You can do it by putting your agenda behind. Further, by talking in a way that supports each other’s point of view. Consequently, the other person will feel that you are at his side. And seems like, you are speaking what he wanted to hear. Therefore, he would be much pleased to share his opinions with you. 

Before you engage in conversation with a person, take an oath to never complain or criticize the other person. Rather, you should focus on another person’s point of view.

Hence, you should try to understand where the other person is standing. Psychologically, when you are criticizing a person, you are allowing him to raise barriers. The barriers, he raises between you and himself. Henceforth, you cannot convey your message clearly to him. Another setback of criticism strategy comes in the form of criticism from the other side. So, whatever you give a person, he returns that back to you at any later time.

For example, if your colleague or your friend or someone at the party has offered you traditional tea. But you like green tea. You can answer it in two ways:

1. I don’t like traditional tea. I like green tea. (Wrong)
2. Traditional tea is great for health I have heard. But I have had a good health record with green tea. I would serve you once, hope you would like that too. (Right)

Focus on where you stand. And where you should stand. Just improve yourself. So, if the other person mirrors himself as per you, he would seek improvement in himself.

 

2- Appreciate The Positive Aspects Of The Other Person To Give Him A Chance To Engage In Conversation

 

Whoever you are talking to is a participant in the conversation. He is not your opponent. Thus, you should appreciate what you find good in another person. This will be your key strategy to engage in conversation with him. And to make him engage in conversation with you.

This is human nature that he wants positive feedback. Indeed, positive feedback every time for what he says or what he does. Emerson says, “Every man is entitled to be valued for his best moments.” So, appreciate every positive aspect with whom you are in conversation.

But what if you see something that’s really wrong? This is not always about what another person says or does. Rather, it is also about what value another person retains. Somehow, your task is only to make him feel how valuable he is. And you can do it by avoiding the negative aspects and appreciating the positive aspects. Another step to improve yourself is to engage in conversation.

For example, if your colleague doesn’t reply to emails quickly. There may be two ways to handle this situation:

1. I always keep waiting for replies. But I never get them in time. That’s very disappointing.
2. I really admire how you keep yourself engaged in work. That’s pretty motivating for everyone around. And I appreciate you still taking time out to reply to emails as quickly as you can do. I was wondering how we can collaborate to enhance the response time on emails? That would be the next step to make our progress even better.

The only thing that binds one person to another is, how we value each other.

 

3- Find What Is Mutually Good For – Something That Gives A Purpose To Engage In Conversation

 

Never try to outsmart the other person. You can do it easily. Nonetheless, being influencing another person, or appreciating him doesn’t mean praise. Rather, it is meant to set a platform where you both can discuss the benefits mutually.

It is common for us to be inclined towards projecting our own points. Distinctly, we are more prone to project our notions from our own perspective at a wide spectrum. Anyways, when it comes to us engaging in conversation, it becomes equally important to value other person’s points too.

For example, if your colleague asks you for help on a particular task. You are inclined towards helping him. But historically you never get assistance in return. Hence, there may be two ways to handle this situation:

1. Either you refuse him to help. And complain of your expectations never fulfilled back. Further, you can show your feeling that you feel disappointed after helping him out.
2. Another way is to say to him, “I feel much pleased when I help you. Nevertheless, I feel that every task I do for you keeps you behind in becoming an expert in it. Therefore, I understand that I should tell you how you can do this task perfectly. You should try and I would help you if you divert from the correct way.”

Offer the other participant what would let the conversation grow at the level of mutual benefit. The sequence of actions that let you engage in conversation to make a lasting impression is: Connect > Influence > Agree > Collaborate.

 

4- Take Interest in Others’ Interests

 

I have seen many people trying to influence other people. They are enacting on social media. You would see millions of people trying to influence others in making interested in them. Nevertheless, due to the courtesy of divine instincts, we got to learn something from pet animals. They never run after making people interested in themselves. Rather, pets always show themselves interested in others. Resultantly, the instinct replicates in the people. Therefore, they are interested in pets.

Nature has programmed man to attract everything that feels real and long-lasting. And when these things offer mutual benefits, the attraction multiplies. According to an ancient quote: “Goodness is the only investment that never fails.” This phenomenon applies to engagement as well. If you engage in conversation, your counterpart would engage in the conversation too.

An Exemplary Piece Of Discussion

Ahmed says to Ali, “I am planning to write articles on human welfare topics.” Ali replies, “Okay. I have seen so many people writing articles. That’s not a big deal.”

The reply of Ali disengages Ahmed’s interest. And the discussion discontinues here. The reply proves to be a dead-end to the conversation. To keep the engagement alive and conversation going, there may be another way for Ali to reply. Consider this one:

Ahmed says to Ali, “I am planning to write articles on human welfare topics.” Ali replies, “That’s wonderful! Although there are many people writing articles, I am wondering what new you are doing in your writing?” Ahmed says, “I am interviewing our unpopular heroes. Those who do social activities of public welfare, but are less appreciated.” All replies with interest, “You are doing something which is going to produce more heroes in our society. I know many people of such kind. May I be of some favor for you?” Ahmed replies, then Ali replies, and the discussion keeps going without disengagement.

When you embrace the interest of others and engage them with yours, you align your guts to sense the goodness in doing anything for others. Concludingly, you should always be interested in others before building up any expectations from them.

 

5- Smile – A Killer Tool To & Let Engage In Conversation

 

A smile is not only a physical gesture. Rather, when you smile, you pass on the feeling to other people that you are delighted to carry on the conversation. Smile produces a sense of happy interaction. In response, the other person will also be happy to engage in the conversation.

Other than a smile, it is your voice that plays a key role in determining the tone of the conversation. Decisively, the tone you use in your voice governs how you and other guys engage in conversation further.

The selection of words in your writing or speaking sets the platform on which the whole conversation is going to play further. When you smile, whether in front of a person or on a phone call, you digitally pass on positive energy to the other person. Because, smile improves the tone, and tone improves the mood of the conversation.

Take the responsibility to start the conversation with a positive note. And end it on a positive note too.

 

6- Always Use Proper Noun, Call A Person With His Name

 

Never use indicative words like “Hello”, “Hi” etc. Always call a person by his name. Psychologically, when a person is called with his ‘personal name’, his inner instincts get motivated to reply on a positive note. This is a key strategy to engage in conversation in no time.

Consider these two statements:

1. Hey, what are you doing here? (Wrong)
2. Ali my friend, what a pleasant surprise to see you here! (Correct)

 

7- Active Listening Is The Key To Keeping Conversation Alive

A smile is necessary for setting a positive mood for the conversation. Likewise, it is equally important to listen firmly and carefully to what the other person is saying. Careful listening shows your interest and to what level you are making yourself engage in conversation.

By active listening, you are making a strong connection with your counterpart. Indeed, you are making many strong connections each time you listen carefully. Ultimately, these strong connections take you to end the conversation while making a lasting impression.

No one would mind if someone sacrifices his points for another person’s values.

8- Speak More What Matters To Your Counterpart

Taking interest in others is the only necessary thing. Indeed, you need to speak more about what matters to your counterpart. It is not necessary only to show yourself engaged in the conversation, rather, it is important at the same scale to let your counterpart be involved in you. Simply speaking, ‘to engage in conversation’ requires speaking more about what the other person is interested in.

You can do all this by making them understand that you want to talk about what matters to them.

 

9- End The Conversation With Good Note, Little Is Even Better

Always end the conversation in a positive mood. Your gesture, words, body language, facial expressions, and tone reflect how you are leaving the conversation. Ending conversation on a good note is equally important to engage in conversation.

It is not necessary to always gain big. Even small opportunities mean more. Gaining big from small opportunities.

You must keep adding meaning and value to the relationships to let them grow. Relationships grow with small wins. Rather, there should be a win-win situation in the relationship for all the counterparts. Avoid big payoffs. Just focus on small achievements in relationships.

Never do anything to anyone, which you wouldn’t want others to do to you.

 

EndNote

Your ability to communicate decides how you keep relationships. Your ability to engage in conversation decides how your counterparts keep you in relationships. Moreover, how you relate and connect with the other person, allows you to lead in relationships. Build them better and develop them strong.

It is not uncommon to find relationships challenging and so the conversations. Because relationships do demand a few obligations. But, how you engage in conversation decides the fate of your conversation.